The summers in Montreal are short, and every year Bernie Ecclestone’s circus comes into town to kick it off. Yes, this weekend is the Montreal grand prix and being guys from this beautiful city we thought we would give you some tips and tricks to survive the festivities. So here we go!
As long as you don’t make eye contact with the driver you’re cutting off, jaywalking is completely legal in Montreal. You can also score a few bonus points by flipping off any driver who honks at you while you do it. There are some dangers out there though. Don’t ever fuck with an STM bus, those crazy mofos will knock you down and not even look back for a second.
If you’re walking down Ste-Catherine street and you find a massage place, good news you’re about to get a handy. Montreal is one of the top cities in the world when it comes to erotic massages. If you want a little pro tip don’t cheap out. Last thing you want is to return home after the weekend with an unwanted surprise.
Montreal’s drinking rules are pretty slack. The drinking age is only 18 and even then it’s really more of a suggestion than a law. You can drink at anytime during the day but make sure you follow the 6-to-11 rule. Between 6 am and 11 am it’s only cool to drink mimosas, Irish coffees or bloody Caesars. If you’re drinking anything else then your’re probably an alcoholic (which is fine no judgments here). Also, if you need to buy some booze outside of a bar or a club you can either do it at the SAQ or any dépanneur (convenience store). Just make sure that you do it before 11 pm since that’s the cutoff time.
The best part about living in Canada is our gambling rules. We pay no taxes on winnings even for big lottery jackpot type prizes, so I invite you to take advantage. The best place to do so is at Le Casino de Montréal which is conveniently right next to the race track on an island. The drinks aren’t free an you can’t smoke inside but a little bonus for you my American friends; you literally gain a 35% ROI the second you convert your money.
The girls in Montreal are absolutely beautiful and they are extremely friendly. So don’t be shy and say hello. Here are a couple of sentences you can use to introduce yourself. “Bonjour, comment ça va?” or “Je m’apelle (insert name)” and most importantly “Ou-est le casino de Montreal?”
Those are my top five tips to you to ensure you have a great time drinking and gambling in our beautiful city. As you walk through the streets of our city, whether it’s Downtown, the Mile End, Griffintown or the Old Port you will notice that most people are smiling. It’s not because we are happy to see you, it’s because we can’t believe we survived another fucking winter.